My Little Pony and the TimeSplitters
by Maria Seinheart
Summary: Time travel goes wrong when Sergeant Cortez ends up in Equestria instead of Urnsay Island. However, even if this was not Jacob Crow's plan, that doesn't stop him from attempting to use magic as a way to enhance his TimeSplitters. Cortez and his time-displaced allies and new pony friends must combine to fight Crow before he could create an army of magic-enhanced TimeSplitters.


**MLP and the TimeSplitters**

Prologue: Cortez's Misadventure

"What is this place?" Sergeant Cortez muttered.

He looked around him and noticed that instead of a treeless island with a castle on it, he was in the middle of a humid and dark forest. His robot companion, R-110, was not with him and it puzzled him. Cortez thought it odd because Anya never made any mistakes when it came to teleporting him to the right places. It was obvious that Cortez wasn't on Urnsay but where was he? The Amazon Forest? He checked his holster and noticed that his weapon was gone. That was a usual occurrence but the temporal uplink on the other hand was not receiving any communications signal from the future.

"Hmm, must've been broken," Cortez said to himself. "I better find my way out of here before it gets dark."

When he tried activating the temporal uplink, all he saw was a hologram full of static. He tapped the device with his finger three times but it remained malfunctioned. Cortez unstrapped the temporal uplink from his wrist and tried to fix it himself but to no avail. It remained useless and couldn't give him any directions. Fortunately for him, the gravity manipulator worked fine as he used it to pluck an empty bird's nest from a nearby tree. It would have to do. In the mean time, he could only rely on his space marine survival instinct to get out of the forest alive.

Going back to basics, Cortez fashioned himself a crude wooden spear from a long piece of stick he found by a dead tree. He sharpened the tip by grinding it against a boulder. After it was done, Cortez tested it by touching the tip with his finger. It felt sharp enough and he gave a satisfied nod. Since there were no suitable materials to make a bow, he relied on stones for ranged attacks instead. Given his augmented strength, Cortez could easily knock a man out with a well-placed stone to the head. Too bad there were no bricks. Those could easily kill with minimal effort though he remembered the last time he used bricks as weapons was to break glass.

There was a break in the tree canopy and Cortzs saw that the sun was high in the sky. Good, at least it was still midday, he thought. That should give him more time to find a way out but without proper intel on how big the forest is and what dangers lurked within the shadows, getting out alive was a game of chance. Cortez wasn't about to die just yet. There was a war going on and he was determined to finish it. He heard the sounds of a rushing river nearby. If there was a river, it should lead to civilization. After passing through several thickets and thorny bushes, he reached the river that he heard.

"Great. All I have to do is follow the river," he said with a smile, proud of his survival skills.

However, the more he followed the river downstream, the more violent the river got. The smooth flow that he saw upstream had turned into a churning rapid of whitewater. Yet, Cortez continued on until he reached a waterfall. There was no way down the falls. The sides had no rough surface to grab on and even if Cortez could climb down, the surface was full of moss and it was a vertical cliff. Cursing his luck, Sergeant Cortez took a right turn back into the forest to find an alternate route down. He stopped by a tree full of vines so he could grab some vines to use as a rope just in case future situations called for one. Without a knife, Cortez cut the vines using a sharp rock. He collected them and rolled them into a coil for easy storage.

It felt like hours had went by and he was still stuck in the crummy forest. The waterfall fell into a ravine and when he followed the ravine's edge, Cortez found that it seemed to go on forever. Frustrated at his attempts to find his way out, he decided to climb a tall tree so he could see where he was at. It so happened that there was a rather tall tree growing on top of a grassy knoll and it peeked above the forest canopy. He climbed to the top of it and squinted his eyes. Cortez espied the forest's edge some distance away from where he was. Although he couldn't see it clearly, Cortez swore he saw puffs of white smoke coming from the forest edge. He was following the wrong path all along.

"On hindsight, I should've done it earlier," he muttered as he slid down the tree and landed with a dull thud as his heavy boots connected with the ground.

Since he knew his way out, Cortez took his time by appreciating the forest he was in. It certainly felt like a tropical forest but the trees didn't look particularly tropical. It made Cortez think. He recalled that he was supposed to return to Urnsay to destroy the time crystals but he ended up here instead. Was this some sort of temporal anomaly that Anya didn't know about? There was no way to find out because he can't contact her. Pushing his luck, he tried to contact Anya again through the temporal uplink but like the first time he arrived in the forest, there was no signal. Another odd thing he noticed that there was no one trying to kill him. He usually started in places with plenty of enemies after his blood as soon as he starts his mission but now, hours went by without a sign of hostiles. Cortez appreciated the change of pace but it felt funny without enemies trying to kill him.

The forest got progressively darker as he went deeper into it. It was disorienting without a compass but Cortez kept going straight, trusting his sense of direction. He refused to deviate from his path even if it meant going through bushes that could probably be full of ants or other creatures waiting to bite him. When he was wading his way through thick undergrowth, his right leg stepped on something hard. Pushing away the leaves, Cortez saw a piece of metal sticking out from the dirt. He bent down and grabbed the metal piece and examined it. The metal piece looked like a piece of the sci-fi pistol. He recognized the pistol's scope. While he wasn't an expert in creating weapons, he could certainly piece them together. After all, all space marines had training in dismantling and reassembling weapons. Cortez had been through multiple time periods and it was safe to say he knew a lot of weapons inside and out.

It opened up another question though. Was he in the future? It certainly didn't look like it because he remembered that the Earth's ecosystem had been devastated even before the Machine Wars. The so-called forests were nothing more than an acre patch of dying or dead trees. The forest made Cortez assume that it was before U-Genix became powerful. It could be in any time period but that means the sci-fi pistol shouldn't exist in the first place since it was only mass produced during the Machine Wars. Understanding temporal wormholes was bad enough but timeline anomalies made his head hurt. If he could contact Anya, she would know what was going on. Still, a weapon part was a weapon part and if there's one, there should be other parts too.

No time to look for them though. The sun was setting fast and Cortez didn't want to get caught pants down in the middle of an already dark forest when the sun sets. There were no enemies so far and that was a good thing. Walking for a bit more, Cortez found himself standing in front of a river of bubbling foul-smelling liquid. He didn't want to find out what it was. There was no way across but he easily rectified the problem by using his uplink to pull down a dead tree on the other side of the river to use as a makeshift bridge. He had little difficulty crossing it and made it to the other side safely.

"This is the first time I'm on a mission without anyone or anything trying to kill me," Cortez mused. "Is it even possible that I'm back in the Stone Ages? Maybe I'm on some different planet?"

As the sun was setting and the skies turned from bright blue to dark orange and finally black, Cortez was still not out of the woods yet, literally. He thought he was going in the right direction but the forest seemed never-ending. Faced with no choice, we decided to set up a makeshift campsite. He grabbed several large sticks and some medium and small ones to fashion himself a tent which he set up by a large crescent-shaped boulder. He used broad leaves for a canopy and a mat to sleep on. Without any matches, Cortez resorted to using the old way of starting fires. He found some dry grass for tinder and took to sticks and rubbed them together. It was a long process but after five minutes of rubbing, he finally got a fire going. To maintain the fire, he took more dry grass and twigs to burn.

"Heh, never thought I'd be camping like this since I finished training," Cortez said with a smile. "I could certainly use some marshmallows and some meat to barbecue."

Now that he thought about it, he hadn't encountered a single animal in the forest. It was devoid of wildlife though he did hear the occasional bush rustling and crunching leaves. When he went to investigate, there was nothing there. Even the night was quiet with not a single chirp from the cricket or humming from the cicada. Cortez yawned loudly and stretched himself. He realized that he hadn't slept for days. All the fighting from the space station and through multiple time periods gave him such an adrenaline rush and a time lag. This was a good chance to get some well-deserved shuteye but even as he laid down in his tent to rest, Cortez kept one hand on his crude spear just in case the local wildlife tried to maul him. It wouldn't much against TimeSplitters though.

As he closed his eyes to go to sleep, he heard wolf howls. There was nothing out of the ordinary about that but what kept him wide awake was the fact that the howls were too close for comfort. Alarmed, he leapt from his leaf mat with his spear in hand. The fire was dying so Cortez threw more tinder into it to keep the flames burning. After doing that, he focused his eyes on the yawning darkness that engulfed the forest. Somehow…it felt…unnatural and it unnerved him. Even the haunted mansion and Notre Dame didn't feel this creepy. Cortez's enhanced vision allowed him a greater degree of lowlight vision than normal humans but it wasn't enough to penetrate the darkness. He could, however, see that there were moving silhouettes moving through the trees and they were coming towards him.

"We'll see about that," Cortez said in a calm voice.

He tied some leaves a few centimeters below the spear tip with the vines he found and thrust the tip into the campfire. Cortez caught a whiff of something malodorous, as if something had died for a week. After a waiting for a bit, he took out his spear with the tip on fire. At the same time, he saw eyes of green and red coming from the darkness like the eyes of demons. There was no Earth creature that Cortez could think of that had eyes like that. He was sure the eyes of animals don't glow but if they're not animals, what were they?

One of them decided to pounce him but he was quick to react. Just as the creature was about to touch him, he stepped sideways and in quick succession, he drove his spear up the creature's belly. When he looked at what he just speared, Cortez's jaw dropped and he was speechless. He realized that he just speared a wolf-like creature made of wood. That's a first, he thought. He quickly retracted his spear and leapt backwards, nearly tripping over a stone. He regained his balance and kept the spear pointed at the beast as it got up from the ground and turned to growl at him. Cortez realized that the fire on his spear tip had been extinguished.

"Damn, what in the world are you?" he asked the creature as if it knew what he was talking about.

There was no time to ponder because the rest of the creature's comrades came at Cortez like a tide of timber with teeth. Thinking quickly, Cortez punched one of the creatures that leapt at him and bent over so that another missed him entirely. Since they were made of wood, that meant he could burn them. The creatures knew that too and they fought to keep him from reaching the campfire. He kicked those who stood in his way and stabbed some of them with his spear but it didn't too much damage to them. One of them pounced on his back and pinned him to the ground but Cortez countered by rolling on his back and pinning the wolf-like creature with his back instead. He raised his right arm and brought his shoulder down on it.

Cortez got back on his feet and made a run for the fire. He managed to kick one of the creatures who stood in his way into the fire and to his surprise, it caught fire almost immediately. It ran about wildly, yelping in pain as the flames engulfed its wooden body and turning it into a walking torch. Knowing their weakness, Cortez grabbed a burning stick from the campfire and started waving it at the creatures. They backed away from him and those who tried to attack him were lit on fire when Cortez smacked them with the stick.

"That's right you walking trees, back off if you know what's good for you!" Cortez said loudly in a triumphant manner.

It was too dangerous to stay for the fight and even if he had an advantage over them now, they would eventually decide to swarm over him and they had the numbers to do so. Cortez slowly backed away from the pack and suddenly, he broke into a sprint. The creatures immediately gave chase. Cortez was running blind and nearly ran into some trees a couple of times. He just ran and ran for his life he did with wolf-like creatures hot on his heels. With more adrenaline pumping into him, he outran the creatures but they managed to keep track of him. If they were anything like wolves, they could smell him out too.

As Cortez took a turn around a bend in the forest path, he tripped over an exposed root and fell flat on the ground. The burning stick slipped from his grip and skidded out of reach. He did a crawl towards the weapon but before he could grab it, something pulled on his boots and it tugged him so hard that he was pulled backwards. He hated himself for not seeing the root but Cortez refused to go down without a fight. He kept kicking at the creatures that bit on his boots and managed to score a few hard kicks that dislocated their wooden jaws. Just when he though he gave them a good kick, he saw the dislocated jaws reattaching back to their wooden heads as if they were reattached by magic.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Cortez exclaimed when he saw it happen.

Just when he thought he was about to die, something sailed over his head and one of the creatures. It had to be a glass bottle because Cortez heard the sound of glass shattering followed by painful howls and yelps coming from not one but several of them. He felt something crawl on his pants but there was no time to look at what it was. Whatever the thing was that struck the wolf creatures, it certainly scared them away because they ran helter-skelter. Cortez slowly got back onto his feet and dusted his uniform.

"When timber wolves plague the night, a bottle of timber borers will give them a fright," he heard a female voice coming from the darkness in front of him. It sounded accented, like an African speaking.

"Well, whatever it is, you have my thanks," Cortez said while trying to see who it was.

"The Everfree Forest is no place for one to wander, so come and stay at my place over at yonder."

"Alright, there's no need to speak in riddles. I appreciate the hospitality…"

Cortez stopped mid syllable when he saw a zebra in front of him. It was shorter than a normal zebra but this one wore a pair of earrings as well as some neck rings. What blew his mind was the fact that the zebra was smiling at him and she said "Hello" to him.

"Where am I?!" he cried out so loudly that Harry Tipper heard his voice from another time period.

* * *

Author's Note: I'm surprised nobody has done a TimeSplitters - MLP crossover yet. That game is full of jokes and action that would go well with MLP.

Captain Ash Says: You bounders!


End file.
